The Mother’s Dilemma: Should You Take Time for Yourself?

Posted on October 13, 2008
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by Christy Cuellar-Wentz

Moms are expected to tend to the needs of their family at the expense of their own feelings and needs. After all, isn’t this the way to be a good mother? Wouldn’t taking time for yourself be positively sinful?

You may hold up in your short-term and even medium range duties if you are continually tending to other people’s needs at the expense of your own. But nobody can keep that up forever, not even you. Providing a tiny bit of regular space to allow yourself to recharge will help maintain your ability to respond, to be “response-able” to the needs of your loved ones.

If taking care of yourself seems foreign, think about this for a moment. You are a primary role model for your children’s lives. They will copy your actions more often than follow your advice. Many a mom has shed tears after becoming aware of the lack of self care they modeled during their children’s formative years. You love your children and want to do right by them. Therefore, you need to show them how to take care of themselves by taking care of you! This will increase their capacity to be healthy, well balanced adults.

While meditation can be extremely helpful, you don’t need to sit down and meditate to take 10 minutes for yourself. You can go for a short walk, just sit in a quiet spot inside, outside, or even in the car (while you’re not driving). Sometimes I actually have to lock myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes to get the time and space I need, but it is worth it.

If you are with your children 24/7, please consider creative ways to take an hour or so each week away from your family. The “Mommy Brain” is constantly on duty, even when we’re not next to our children, but a little distance can open up space in our minds and decompress our bodies in a very healing way. Oddly, having time away can open up our hearts to our loved ones and help us appreciate the most important people in our lives even more.

When your inner self begins to realize that you are consistently taking a little bit of time and space for yourself, you are likely to find your overall mood and body image improving. There is something extraordinarily healing about saying that it is O.K. to take up some room in the world, that it is O.K. to be. This simple act can create a positive upward spiral into a healthier sense of well-being. Therefore, taking time for yourself is a proactive way to become a healthier, better adjusted, more response-able human being, mother and partner.

About the Author:
Christy Cuellar-Wentz, M.A. is a radio host and mental health professional dedicated to providing support for the life-changing transition to new parenthood. She offers free weekly MP3 downloads with empowering ideas for new moms as well as current information on postpartum stress, postnatal depression and baby blues.

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